A good story is the backbone of a powerful fundraising message.

By “good,” I mean a detailed and emotionally resonant story of one person the donor’s giving can help. That’s the best way to bridge the gap between a donor’s life and what otherwise might be abstract and distant things that don’t break through the busy-ness of every day.

Charitable giving is an act of the heart. That’s why “educating” donors with facts and stats is ineffective in fundraising. It’s off point. It encourages a mindset that tends to conclude against giving at all. The story brings the whole point into the heart. Which is where it belongs.

But the story is not the only thing a fundraising message needs. It may not even be the more important thing. Call it “donor talk” – the material you need to tell the donor to get them from not giving to giving. It includes these elements:

• A specific call to action: what you want the donor to help make possible.
• How much you want the donor to give.
• What makes it urgent.
• How giving connects to the donor’s values.
• A clear view of what the donation will accomplish.

These things have little or nothing to do with the story. But they are necessary – and they have to interact with the story.

Here are some structures for fundraising messages that can help you integrate the story with the donor talk in effective ways…

Writer favorite: the dramatic start

We writers love this approach. You open with a story at a moment of high drama. It’s powerfully written, and there’s little or no direct address to the donor about giving until the story is finished.

I think we like to do this because it allows us to really flex our writing muscles, and it’s the way a lot of great fiction and screenplays are written. It might look like this:

Sweat trickled down Marika’s forehead and stung her eyes. She tried to blink it away, and that’s when he appeared between two trees—a magnificent mountain gorilla, a silverback, gliding slowly across the clearing. His black eyes fixed on hers.

I don’t recommend this approach. I’ve seen too many well-written fundraising messages start this way – and fail. It pains me to say this – I love strong writing – but I think there are two problems:

1. It’s not natural. People almost never tell stories without some sort of introduction or permission. If a stranger walks up and launches into an anecdote, you question his mental stability. In real life, stories start with an introduction, like, “The most incredible thing happened on my way to work this morning.”
2. The story doesn’t answer the question donors need answered before they’re willing to invest any time with your message: “Why are you writing to me?” When you let that question hang there, donors drop away, like sand through an hourglass.

There are times when this approach is a good one. It can work if the story so completely captures donors’ attention that they willingly float along on the current. But that’s rare. There are more effective ways to position your story.

Compromise: Start, interrupt, continue

This is an alternative to the Dramatic Start. It begins the same way, but it quickly (like after one paragraph at the most) steps out of the narrative and addresses the donor directly. This allows you to create context and answer the “why are you writing to me question.” It might begin this way:

Sweat trickled down Marika’s forehead and stung her eyes. She tried to blink it away, and that’s when he appeared between two trees—a magnificent mountain gorilla, a silverback, gliding slowly across the clearing. His soulful black eyes fixed on hers.

I’ll tell you what happened next in a moment, but first I have some very good news about the part you can play in keeping this beautiful animal alive and free as it ought to be.

Then you go back to the story and finish it, before continuing with the donor talk part of your message.

When you have a truly amazing story to tell, this structure allows you to go with that strength, but to establish donor talk almost at the same time.

Another compromise: Introduction, then story

This is similar to the “start, interrupt, continue” structure, but it flips the first and second paragraphs. You open by addressing the reader directly – tell them why you’re writing before diving into the story.

Then tell the story, followed by the donor talk.

These three structures are all story first, donor-talk second. That can work, especially when the story is extraordinarily great.

But let’s be realistic: what about all those times when the story is just okay? Not a blockbuster, but good enough to get the basic job of building a human connection for the donor.

That’s when you move the story to other places in the letter…

The shuffled story

Start with an introduction to the reader. Then begin the story. From there, go back and forth between donor talk and the story.

The challenge is making all those transitions work. But this can be an effective fundraising structure.

Story postponed

This is the simplest way to use a story. Don’t let that deter you from doing it. Simple is good. It’s my go-to structure for a fundraising message.

You first do all the donor talk, then tell the story. Followed by a little more donor talk. Here’s a brief outline:

• Why I’m writing.
• Why the situation is urgent.
• Ask.
• Why you’ll be glad you gave.
• Story.
• How giving connects with your values
• Ask.

How long should the story be?

There’s no single right answer to that. If your story is complex – but still amazing all the way through – the story might take up more than half of the total message.

But that’s unusual. Most of the fundraising stories I write are between one and five paragraphs long. Short, sweet, and simple.

I often separate the writing of the story from the writing of the overall message. That helps me get a handle on what is the heart of the story: what’s essential, what I can leave out, how interruptible it is… then I merge them into a single document.

Whatever structure or approach you take, remember that stories are not magic. Just telling a story doesn’t move donors to action. You need to tell it in a way that connects with the donor’s life and with the call to action.

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Related Blog Posts:

• What Behavioral Science Tells Us about Stories and Math in Fundraising
• 3 Elements of Every Effective Fundraising Story
• 3 Temptations that Undermine Your Fundraising Storytelling, and How to Stop Them Cold