Some fundraisers can talk about bequests with donors easily. Others put it off.  

What’s the difference? The ones who put it off don’t do so because they lack skill. It’s because the conversation feels hard. It feels like we’re asking a donor to think about something both we and they would rather avoid. 

If you feel like that too, here’s some good news. This hesitation comes from a wrong idea about what’s really going on for the donor. 

David Solie is a psychologist who worked with older adults for decades. He listened carefully as older people made big decisions in their lives. What he learned became his book, How to Say It to Seniors. His work changes how you should think about a bequest conversation. 

Solie’s main idea is simple. People in their seventies and older go through a stage of life most of us never learned about.  

We know the early stages well. A toddler pulls away from a parent. A teenager pushes for independence. A midlife adult juggles work and family. But we don’t talk much about what comes next. 

Solie studied this stage of life and found that older adults spend real time and energy looking back over their lives. They think about the shape their life has taken. They decide what they want to pass on.  

Solie calls this the search for legacy 

This need runs alongside another one. As health and independence change, people also need to stay in control.  

In his book, Solie helps us understand that need for both control and legacy, which is so helpful in generally understanding this stage of life.  

When I read this book, I discovered it is the older person’s need to realize their legacy that matters most for fundraisers. 

This isn’t just a passing thought. Solie says it runs under daily life most of the time. People at this stage are working out what their life meant, what they value and what they want to pass on. 

Here’s what this means for you as a fundraiser. When you ask a donor about a gift in their will, you’re not bringing up something new or unwelcome. You’re stepping into a process they’ve already started on their own. 

What this means for the conversation 

Once you see it this way, the reluctance a lot of fundraisers feel starts to look misplaced. You’re not raising an awkward topic. You’re giving your donors a concrete way for their values to outlast them. And they’re already thinking about it. 

So, skip the conversation about gift types and how to write a will. Instead, ask what first drew them to your cause. Ask what values are important to them. Ask what they hope the organization will still be doing decades from now. 

These aren’t warm-up questions before the real conversation. They are the conversation. A donor who explains why your cause has mattered to them for years has usually just told you why a gift in their will would matter too. 

If a donor goes quiet after a question like that, don’t rush to fill the silence. That pause is often a sign of reflection. The donor is likely thinking about how your cause fits into what they want their legacy to be. They will speak when they’re ready.  

The takeaway 

Bequest conversations feel hard because we assume we’re introducing something difficult. Solie’s research says otherwise. Your older donors are already doing this work, whether you ever bring it up or not. 

That changes your job. You’re not asking someone to face their mortality. You’re offering them a way to leave behind something that’s important to them, a way for what they value to live on past their lifetime. 

The next time you’re about to put off a bequest conversation, remember your donor is already thinking about their legacy. So, ask about what matters to them. Then trust them to tell you. 

Knowing the psychology behind bequest conversations is one thing. Building a program that consistently turns those conversations into gifts is another. 

Our free ebook, Easy Building Blocks for a High-Producing Bequest Program, covers the practical side. You’ll learn how to spot donors who are ready for this conversation. You’ll learn what to say when you start it. And you’ll learn how to keep a bequest program running without it taking over your job. 

Related Blog Posts:  

• A Practical Lesson from Star Wars: How to Raise 2 to 5 Times as Much from Real-Life Donors 
• Your Easy Guide to a Bequest Conversation
• Nervous about Bequest Conversations? Here’s How to Start